We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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