I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
