guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
