Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
