I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
