Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
