Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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