Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
