guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
