he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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