Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
