This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
