just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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