do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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