when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
