He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we should paint friendship bongs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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