She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
