I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
