i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
