I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
