Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
