Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
