I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
