im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i now understand why vodka
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
