Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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