I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
