it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
