I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
too bad you live with your parents still
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
