we have pet lesbian snakes
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
