wanna go halves on a baby?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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