drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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