I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
