in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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