I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
