i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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