I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
