Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
