What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He told me they were just razor bumps!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
