Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
