sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I love having hate sex.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
