you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
