Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
