just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
