she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
