Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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