walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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