one two three fourrrrnication!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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