So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
