If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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