Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it penis luge time yet?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
