Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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