He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
