Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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