The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Gay?
German.
Pity.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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