He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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